Making a safety plan

A safety plan is a set of practical steps you work out in advance, so you know what to do if things become dangerous. It is useful whether you are staying for now, getting ready to leave, or have already left. Thinking it through while you are calm makes it easier to act quickly under pressure.

Your plan is personal. Not every step will fit your situation, so take what helps and leave the rest. Keep your plan somewhere your partner won't find it, or simply keep it in your head.

If you are still living together

• Learn the warning signs. Notice what tends to come before violence, such as heavy drinking, certain topics or a particular mood, so you can leave early.
• Know the safer places in your home. In an argument, try to stay in a room with a way out and away from the kitchen, garage or anywhere with possible weapons.
• Keep your phone charged. Save 10111, 112 and the GBV Command Centre number, 0800 428 428, in your phone.
• Agree on a code word. Choose a word or message that tells a trusted friend, relative or neighbour to call the police or come and fetch you.
• Talk to a neighbour. If you trust a neighbour, ask them to call the police if they hear shouting or violence.
• Prepare your children. Teach them how to call 10111 or 112, and where to go to be safe. Tell them not to step in during a fight. They can also call Childline South Africa on 116.

Prepare an emergency bag

Keep a bag ready, hidden somewhere safe or left with someone you trust. Include:

• your ID, passport or driver's licence;
• bank cards and some cash;
• a phone charger and a written list of important numbers;
• any medication and prescriptions;
• spare keys for your home, car and work;
• your children's birth certificates and clinic or school records;
• copies of important papers, such as a lease or title deed, marriage certificate and payslips;
• copies of any protection order, and your case numbers;
• your record of incidents;
• a change of clothes.

If gathering these would make your partner suspicious, photograph your documents and store the photos in an email account your partner cannot access.

Planning to leave

Leaving can be a time of higher risk, so plan it carefully.

1. Decide where you will go. Choose a friend or relative your partner won't expect, or somewhere else safe.
2. Choose a safe time. Leave when your partner is out or busy. Avoid announcing that you are leaving in the middle of an argument.
3. Think about the children. Get advice about their care before you go, or as soon as possible afterwards. Both parents usually have rights and responsibilities under the Children's Act 38 of 2005. See fathers' rights and responsibilities.
4. Consider a protection order. A protection order under the Domestic Violence Act 116 of 1998 can stop your partner from abusing or contacting you. It can also direct the police to go with you to collect your belongings. See applying for a protection order.
5. Tell someone you trust. Let at least one person know where you are going and when you expect to arrive.

Staying safe on your phone and online

Abusive partners sometimes use phones and the internet to track or control the person they are abusing.

• Change the passwords and PINs for your phone, email, banking and social media. Choose ones your partner can't guess.
• Check location sharing on your phone and in your apps, and switch it off where you don't need it.
• Look for apps you don't recognise, and log out of shared devices and accounts.
• Be careful about posting where you are or where you are going.
• Keep threatening messages instead of deleting them.

If you are being tracked, threatened or harassed online, read reporting online harassment and cybercrime.

After you have left

• Change your routine. Vary your route to work and the times you come and go.
• Tell people who need to know. Let your employer or the security at work know, and give them a photo of the person if that would help.
• Keep your protection order with you. If your partner breaks the order, call the police and show it to them.
• Secure your home. If you stay in the home, change the locks and make sure doors and windows close properly.
• Keep the school informed. If there is a court order about the children, give the school a copy.
• Look after yourself. Leaving can bring grief and doubt as well as relief. Our guide on coping after trauma may help.

Getting support

• In an emergency, call 10111, or 112 from a cell phone.
• The GBV Command Centre on 0800 428 428 helps people of all genders, 24 hours a day.
• Children and teens can call Childline South Africa on 116.
• If you are struggling to cope, call Lifeline South Africa on 0861 322 322.
• For legal advice about protection orders, call the Legal Aid South Africa Advice Line on 0800 110 110.
• You can report what is happening anonymously at /report, and tick the support box if you would like someone to contact you.
• To reach the Men for Change support team, go to /contact?topic=support.
• More helplines are listed at /resources.