Alcohol, drugs and coping

After a violent attack, abuse, a breakup, a job loss or a court case, many men reach for a drink, a smoke or something stronger. It can numb the pain, help you sleep or make it easier to be around people for a while. That is understandable. But over time, what started as a way to cope can become a problem of its own.

This guide is not here to lecture you. It is here to help you notice what is happening, and to show you where help is if you want it.

Why men use alcohol and drugs to cope

For many men, drinking is part of social life and a way to unwind. When things go wrong, it can also become the main way to handle feelings that are hard to talk about, such as fear, grief, shame or anger.

You might use alcohol or drugs to:

• block out memories or nightmares
• get to sleep
• calm down when you feel on edge
• feel confident, or feel nothing at all
• fill the time when you feel lonely or bored

None of this makes you a bad person. It is a sign that you are carrying something heavy and looking for relief.

How it can make things worse

Alcohol and drugs can bring short-term relief, but they often make the original problem harder to deal with.

• Sleep: alcohol may help you fall asleep, but it disturbs deeper sleep, so you wake up tired.
• Mood: heavy use can deepen depression and anxiety, especially the day after.
• Anger and safety: being drunk or high makes it more likely that you get into fights, take risks, or say and do things you regret.
• Relationships and work: money, trust and reliability can all suffer.
• Trauma: numbing your feelings can stop you from working through what happened, so it stays raw for longer.
• Dark thoughts: alcohol and drugs can make thoughts of suicide louder and make it harder to stop yourself acting on them.

Signs it might be becoming a problem

Be honest with yourself. Do any of these sound familiar?

• You drink or use more, or more often, than you meant to.
• You need more than before to get the same effect.
• You feel shaky, sweaty, anxious or ill when you stop.
• You have tried to cut down and found it hard.
• People close to you have said they are worried.
• You have missed work, let people down or spent money you needed.
• You hide how much you are using.
• You can't imagine getting through a hard day without it.

If a few of these sound like you, it is worth talking to someone. You don't need to wait until things fall apart.

Cutting down safely

If you want to cut down, these steps can help:

1. Keep track. For a week, write down what you use, when, and how you felt beforehand. Patterns often become clear.
2. Set a clear goal. Decide whether you want to cut down or stop, and what that means in practice, for example no drinking on weeknights.
3. Change your routine. Avoid the places, times and people most linked to heavy use, and plan something else for those times.
4. Have something else ready. A walk, a call to a friend, exercise, food or a cold drink can help an urge pass.
5. Tell someone you trust. Ask a friend or family member to back your goal and check in on you.
6. Expect setbacks. If you slip, don't give up. Look at what led to it and start again the next day.

Where to get help

You don't have to do this alone, and help is there whether you want to cut down or stop completely.

• Your local clinic or a doctor can check your health, help you stop safely and refer you to further treatment.
• A counsellor can help you deal with what you have been using to cope with, such as trauma, grief or stress. See finding a counsellor.
• Support groups for people who want to stop drinking or using drugs meet in many communities and are usually free. Ask at your clinic or place of worship.
• Treatment programmes, both day programmes and live-in ones, are run by public services, NGOs and private providers. A clinic or social worker can help you find one.
• Lifeline South Africa (0861 322 322) is open 24/7 if you need someone to talk to right now.

Myths and facts

Getting support

• Lifeline South Africa: 0861 322 322 (24/7)
• SADAG Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0800 567 567 (free, 24/7), if you have thoughts of harming yourself
• Emergency: 10111, or 112 from a cell phone
• Ambulance: 10177, if someone has taken too much and is unwell

If you are drinking or using because of something that happened to you, our guide on coping after trauma may help. Men for Change's support team can help you find services near you: contact the support team. More helplines are on our resources page.