Parenting plans and the Family Advocate

When parents separate, someone has to decide where the children will live, when they will see each other parent and who makes which decisions. It is almost always better for the children if the parents make those decisions together, rather than having a court make them.

A parenting plan is how you do that. This guide explains what a parenting plan is, what to put in it, and how the Office of the Family Advocate can help when you and the other parent are struggling to agree.

What a parenting plan is

A parenting plan is a written agreement between parents about how they will care for their children after separation. It is set out in the Children's Act 38 of 2005.

• Parents who share parental responsibilities and rights, and who are having difficulty agreeing, are expected to try to agree on a parenting plan before they go to court.
• The plan must be in writing and signed by both parents.
• When preparing a plan, parents should get help from a family advocate, a social worker or a psychologist, or use mediation.
• The plan must be in the best interests of the child. Depending on their age and maturity, the child's views should be considered.

A plan can be registered with the Family Advocate or made an order of court. Both give the plan more weight than an informal agreement. A plan that is a court order can be enforced through the court.

What to include

A good plan is clear enough that you don't have to argue about what it means. Think about:

• where the children will live most of the time;
• when the children will spend time with each parent during the week and on weekends;
• school holidays, public holidays, birthdays, and religious or cultural days;
• how and where handovers will happen, and who does the driving;
• phone and video calls with the parent the children are not with;
• schooling, health care and religious upbringing, and who decides what;
• maintenance and how other costs, such as school fees or medical bills, will be shared;
• travel, especially out of the country, and what happens if a parent wants to move;
• how you will communicate with each other about the children;
• how you will deal with disagreements, and when you will review the plan.

Making a plan together

1. Start with the children's needs. Think about their age, routines, school and friendships before you think about what feels fair to you.
2. Write down what you already agree on. Most parents agree on more than they expect. Start there.
3. Get help with the hard parts. The Office of the Family Advocate, a social worker or a mediator can help you work through the issues you disagree on.
4. Be specific. "Every second weekend, from Friday at 5pm to Sunday at 5pm" works better than "regular weekends".
5. Sign it and make it formal. Ask about registering the plan with the Family Advocate or having it made an order of court.

The Office of the Family Advocate

The Office of the Family Advocate is a state office. Its job is to protect the best interests of children in family disputes, including divorce and disputes between unmarried parents. It does not charge for its help, and you don't need a lawyer to approach it.

The Family Advocate can:

• help parents draw up a parenting plan;
• mediate between parents who disagree;
• in court cases, look into the family's situation and make a recommendation to the court about care and contact.

During an inquiry, the Family Advocate usually works with a social worker. They may interview each parent, and sometimes the children, and look at documents.

The Family Advocate is not your lawyer and does not take sides. Its focus is the child. When you deal with it:

• be honest, calm and on time;
• focus on your children, not on criticising the other parent;
• bring proof of your involvement, such as school messages, photos and maintenance payments;
• tell them about any safety concerns, such as abuse or substance use, and bring evidence.

There are Family Advocate offices around the country. Ask at your local Magistrate's Court where the nearest one is.

If you can't agree

If mediation doesn't work, either parent can apply to court. The court can ask the Family Advocate to investigate and report before it decides. It will make its decision based on the child's best interests.

If a child is in danger, don't wait for a plan. Call SAPS on 10111, or 112 from a cell phone. Read Fathers' rights and responsibilities to understand your position before you go to court.

Changing a plan

Children grow, and their needs change. A plan that worked for a toddler may not work for a teenager.

• A registered plan can be changed by agreement, through the Family Advocate.
• A plan that is a court order can only be changed by the court.
• Don't simply stop following a plan. Keep to it until it is formally changed, and keep a record of any problems.

Getting support

Separation and arguments about children are among the hardest things a parent goes through. Look after yourself, too.

• Legal Aid South Africa Advice Line: 0800 110 110.
• Lifeline South Africa: 0861 322 322, 24 hours a day.
• SADAG Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0800 567 567, 24 hours a day.
• Childline South Africa: 116, for children and teens.
• GBV Command Centre: 0800 428 428, for all genders, 24 hours a day, if there is abuse.

You can contact our support team at /contact?topic=support, and find more helplines at /resources. Read Co-parenting after separation for day-to-day tips.