If you are falsely accused

Being accused of something you didn't do is frightening. It can put your freedom, your job, your relationships and your time with your children at risk. You may feel angry and desperate, and want to set the record straight immediately.

False accusations do happen, and they can devastate a man's life. Real abuse happens too, and every report deserves to be taken seriously and investigated properly. A fair investigation is also what protects you. The steps below help you protect yourself while that process runs its course.

Stay calm

How you act in the first days matters a great deal.

• Don't react in anger, whether in person, by phone or online.
• Don't post about the accusation on social media. Anything you write can be used against you.
• Talk to someone you trust about how you feel, but be careful about discussing the details. Friends and family can be called as witnesses.
• Make big decisions slowly, after you have had advice.

Do not contact the person who accused you

• Don't call, message or visit them.
• Don't send messages through friends, family or anyone else.
• If they contact you, don't respond in anger. Keep a copy of the message and tell your lawyer.
• If you share children, get legal advice on how to handle contact without breaking any court order or bail condition.

If a protection order has been served on you, you must obey it from that moment, even if you believe it is unfair. Read when a protection order is taken out against you.

Keep records

Good records can make a real difference to your case.

• Write down your own account now, while it is fresh: dates, times, where you were and who you were with.
• Save messages, emails, call logs, photos and social media posts. Don't delete anything, even things you think look bad.
• Note possible witnesses, and evidence such as receipts, bank records, CCTV footage or location data. Some of this can be lost quickly.
• Keep copies of every document you receive from the police or the court.
• Back up your records and keep them somewhere safe.

Get legal advice early

1. Speak to a lawyer as soon as you can. Ideally do this before you give any statement to the police.
2. Get help if you can't afford a lawyer. Call the Legal Aid South Africa Advice Line on 0800 110 110, or contact a university law clinic. See finding legal help you can afford.
3. Know your rights if the police contact you. Be polite and calm. You have the right to remain silent, and you don't have to make a statement before you have spoken to a lawyer. See your rights if you are arrested.
4. Go to court when you are told to. If you are given a court date, be there on time. Missing it can lead to a warrant for your arrest.

If you are arrested, our guide bail explained covers what happens next.

What never to do

• Never destroy, delete or hide evidence. This includes messages you think make you look bad. It can be a crime in itself, and it damages your credibility.
• Never threaten, pressure or retaliate against the person who accused you, or against any witness. This can lead to arrest and new charges.
• Never ask anyone to lie for you or to change their story.
• Never break bail conditions or court orders, even if the other person invites contact.
• Don't make counter-accusations out of anger. If you believe the accusation was deliberately false, discuss it with your lawyer. Knowingly making a false report to the police is a crime, but the police and prosecutor decide whether to charge anyone.

Look after yourself

An accusation can affect every part of your life. You may lose sleep, struggle at work, or feel cut off from people you care about.

• Work. If your employer suspends you or starts a disciplinary process, get advice. A workplace process is separate from a criminal case. See unfair dismissal and the CCMA.
• Family and friends. Lean on people you trust. Our guide on supporting someone through a court case may help them support you.
• Your mental health. Anger, shame, fear and hopelessness are common. Don't carry them alone. If you have thoughts of ending your life, call the SADAG Suicide Crisis Helpline on 0800 567 567 and read if you are thinking about suicide.

Getting support

• For legal advice, call the Legal Aid South Africa Advice Line on 0800 110 110.
• If you are struggling to cope, call Lifeline South Africa on 0861 322 322, or the SADAG Suicide Crisis Helpline on 0800 567 567. Both are open 24 hours a day.
• In an emergency, call 10111, or 112 from a cell phone.
• You can tell Men for Change what happened, anonymously, at /report. It needs no name or account, and a moderator reviews every report before anything is published. Tick the support box if you would like someone to contact you.
• To reach the Men for Change support team, go to /contact?topic=support.
• More helplines are listed at /resources.